You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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