When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize