I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
