Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
