I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
too bad you live with your parents still
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
