It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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