are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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