do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
