Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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