He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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