Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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