One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
