Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
