so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize
