i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
