sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
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