How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
there is puke in my bra ... again
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