Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
