As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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