If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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