he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
