I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
