I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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