I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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