i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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