The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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