I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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