Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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