I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
