he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
