He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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