just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Randomize
