I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
