Why does Corona taste like a burp?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize