your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
