you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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