You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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