omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
