He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
