your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
jump out the window naked night went bad
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
