I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
