Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
