I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
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