I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize