sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
