a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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