its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
