so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
