I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
soo... how was my night?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize