Non-Jews are for practice
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
