I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
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