I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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