The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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