he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
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1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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