I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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