I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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