barbara walters just said penis...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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