addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
