Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
