Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I was not drunk enough for that final.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
