Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
