in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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