I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You took a bar mat shot.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
