oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize