just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
