I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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