I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
