You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
