I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
