I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
