i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
