Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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