Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
