we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
