I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
