i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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