you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
